Chapter 1: The Essence of Affection

As a devoted mother, I hold a firm belief in the transformative power of affection. I've never had to rely on anyone, not even my own mother, to inform me of the crucial importance of parental love. It is something I inherently understand.

It perplexes me how humanity can experience a deficit of affection, given that it is both free and plentiful. Tragically, countless children around the globe grow up deprived of this essential element, often through no fault of their own.

For a long time, I have hesitated to address the topics of child neglect and abuse due to their deeply saddening nature. However, after reading about a man who abused his authority to undermine the significance of parental affection, I felt compelled to share my thoughts.

In the 1920s, there was a prominent psychologist named John Watson, who founded the school of behaviorism. He not only dismissed the importance of affection but also advocated against it in his 1928 book, Psychological Care of Infant and Child. He urged parents to refrain from hugging, kissing, or cuddling their young children, believing that this would foster independence. He advised, "Never hug and kiss them, never let them sit on your lap. If you must, kiss them once on the forehead when they say good night. Shake hands with them in the morning."

Watson's damaging theories not only influenced his writing but also shaped his parenting style. His book quickly sold over 100,000 copies, gaining traction among parents and professionals alike. Tragically, all of his children faced severe emotional struggles, with one son taking his own life in 1954. Watson himself died alone in 1958, having destroyed all of his unpublished work.

It troubles me deeply that so many parents allowed this misguided individual to dictate their understanding of affection's role in raising emotionally healthy children. For millennia, mothers have instinctively recognized the importance of affection in meeting their children's fundamental needs. Insufficient affection can have dire consequences for a child's growth and development.

Recently, I came across an article by Melissa Fay Greene that resonated with me deeply.

30 Years Ago, Romania Deprived Thousands of Babies of Human Contact - The Atlantic

Here's what's become of them.

The heartbreaking story of Romania's neglected orphans has haunted me for years. Despite knowing it would be painful to revisit, I felt compelled to learn more.

The central question Melissa posed was, "Can a person unloved in childhood learn to love?" She followed the life of Izidor Ruckel, who was abandoned as an infant and endured a harsh existence at the Hospital for Irrevocable Children in Romania until being adopted at age 11 by a caring American family.

The conditions in the hospital were dire, and the odds of survival for Izidor were slim. Melissa wrote, "Odds were high that he wouldn’t survive that long, that the boy with the shriveled leg would die in childhood, malnourished, shivering, unloved."

Despite being part of a smaller group of fortunate children whose intellectual development improved in later years, Izidor grappled with lifelong difficulties in expressing and receiving love, even from his adoptive family. His experiences in the hospital left lasting scars, impacting his ability to feel affection.

The data Melissa referenced indicated that once a child surpasses the sensitive period of 24 months, it becomes increasingly challenging for them to process love and affection. However, we must maintain hope and continue our efforts to support these children in their healing journeys. A particularly touching moment from Izidor's life occurred when, despite his estrangement from his adoptive family, he rushed to them with flowers and tears upon hearing they had been in an accident. Melissa recounted, "Before leaving that day, Izidor would lay the flowers in his mother’s arms and say, with a greater attempt at earnestness than they’d ever heard before, ‘These are for all of you. I love you.’"

In the 1950s, primate researcher Harry Harlow challenged Watson’s cold theories of child-rearing through a series of experiments with Rhesus monkeys, providing compelling evidence for the critical role affection plays in healthy infant development.

I learned about Dr. Harlow's experiments long ago, and they profoundly impacted my understanding of the importance of love.

The Science of Affection: How a Rebel Researcher Pioneered the Study of Love in the 1950s

Harlow’s findings revealed several crucial insights:

1. Love is a Fundamental Human Need: Harlow discovered that baby monkeys consistently preferred the soft, comforting mother to the cold, feeding mother. This repeated choice illustrated that emotional security is essential for their development.
2. Inadequate Affection Affects Intelligence: Monkeys lacking maternal affection were too anxious to explore their environments, stunting their learning. Later studies by psychologist John Bowlby further established the link between emotional affection and intelligence.
3. Love Trumps All Else: Subsequent research showed that monkeys raised by nurturing caregivers, even if not their biological mothers, performed better than those raised by neglectful biological mothers.

As Harlow poignantly stated, "If monkeys have taught us anything, it’s that you’ve got to learn how to love before you learn how to live."

Ultimately, the exchange of affection is not merely about individual happiness; it is crucial for the survival and health of humanity.

In her writings, Maria quotes Deborah Blum, author of the Pulitzer-winning book Love at Goon Park: Harry Harlow and the Science of Affection: "There is no requirement for angelic perfection in parenting. The requirement is just to stay in there... The nature of love is about paying attention to the people who matter, about still giving when you are too tired to give. Be a mother who listens, a father who cuddles, a friend who calls back, a helping neighbor, a loving child."

Deep down, we all recognize the significance of love and affection. While science may help us understand their importance, it is our inherent knowledge that drives us to cherish these values. Let us always remember the incredible power of affection; it is essential for our growth and evolution.

Chapter 2: Understanding the Science Behind Love

The second video delves into the significance of kindness and belonging, emphasizing how these elements can profoundly influence our lives and well-being.