Chapter 1: Understanding Generational Trauma

"We cannot exist in a world where everyone adopts the victim mentality. Saying, 'I am this way because of my father' or 'my husband made me this way' may hold some truth, as our experiences shape us. However, it is essential to take control of our lives and acknowledge our responsibility."

― Camille Paglia

In the past, I believed the only way to break a family curse was through death. It felt simpler to accept the idea of a curse than to trust in miracles. I could envision angels in heaven being absent while hell remained ever-present. Staring into the mirror, I recognized my mother's features in my own, alongside the anger that seemed to run in our bloodline.

Rather than seeing her beauty, intelligence, or the positive traits I had inherited, I was only aware of the pain. Memories flooded back, leading me to a place of hurt where my genetic makeup felt like an unshakable curse. I often joked about ending my life, planning to sever ties to my past and hide my true self behind my hair. I would sit on the edge of despair, letting myself sink into the depths of hopelessness.

I never made an effort to improve; the idea felt foreign to me, as if the curse was woven into my family’s very DNA. Perhaps an ancient witch had cursed my great-great-great-grandmother, or some beast had inflicted harm that rippled through generations. Whatever the cause, I bore the weight of this curse in my demeanor and my very being. I thought I couldn’t bring new life into the world, as the darkness within me seemed to taint everything.

But transformation is possible.

At 32, I find myself writing a newsletter while 12 weeks pregnant. Once, I viewed motherhood as another form of death, as I felt the weight of despair within. During my time in Seattle, I would walk to the pier for coffee. Seeing families enjoying time together filled me with disgust. I distanced myself from social media friends celebrating their pregnancies, and even made dismissive remarks about a colleague's new fatherhood.

To this day, I can count on one hand the friends who have chosen to become parents. Many of them share similar sentiments—prioritizing personal freedom, careers, or simply fearing the cycle of becoming their own parents.

Yet, one morning, after a decade of adult life filled with parties, drugs, and solitary writing, I awoke to the realization of emptiness. Though fiction had once filled my life, it no longer satisfied me. Completing a book left me feeling lonely and desolate.

I didn’t understand my longing.

But darling, it was you.

I established a home and became someone capable of love, only to forget about you. It felt as though I was trapped in a machine that consumed energy but created nothing of value. I promised myself I wouldn't be the person who overshared about pregnancy, yet there’s something twisted in denying joy to those who harbor disdain. Many of them, too, carry the burden of a family curse, resigned to darkness.

However, curses cannot be broken through death. They infiltrate the air, water, and the hearts of those we’ve hurt. They spread silently, embedding themselves into the lives of future generations.

Resigning means surrendering. That's the trick of the curse; it leads you to believe that inaction will end it, drawing you deeper into its clutches. Its only aim is to extinguish your spirit and that of your children, snuffing out the potential for goodness in the world.

I cannot rewrite my past nor heal those who came before me. Yet, I can strive to end the cycle as I cradle you in my arms, offering the love I so desperately needed. It won’t be flawless or definitive, but reaching for something better feels infinitely more rewarding than enduring a lifetime of isolation.

The fear of causing you pain is overwhelming, yet the thought of leaving this world without ever knowing you terrifies me even more.

Chapter 2: Steps to Break Generational Curses

To delve deeper into breaking generational curses, watch the following insightful videos:

The first video, "6 Steps To Remove GENERATIONAL CURSES!" provides practical strategies for recognizing and overcoming these challenges.

The second video, "How to break a family generational curse (STEP BY STEP)", offers a detailed guide on breaking these cycles effectively.