Creating Empowering Self-Beliefs: Overcoming Negativity
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Chapter 1: Understanding Negative Beliefs
Negative beliefs can be quite insidious. They often function below the surface, affecting our thoughts without our conscious awareness. A majority of these beliefs are rooted in childhood experiences. For instance, consider a scenario where you received a B on a history test. You might have eagerly shown your results to your mother, only to hear her ask, "Why didn't you get an A? What did Emily score?" This can lead to feelings of inadequacy if you were consistently expected to excel. Such experiences can nurture the growth of harmful beliefs about yourself.
These negative beliefs can significantly hinder personal progress. They resist change and often aren't reflective of reality. Here are twelve common negative beliefs:
- I’m not good enough.
- I always mess things up.
- I must earn love.
- I have to handle everything by myself.
- I shouldn’t feel sad.
- I shouldn't express anger.
- Mistakes are unacceptable.
- I can’t trust anyone.
- Perfection is a requirement.
- I must always be strong.
- Seeking help is a sign of weakness.
- Men shouldn't cry.
Many of these beliefs are absolute and leave little room for flexibility. They typically include strong language such as must, should, always, and never.
Now, let’s explore ways to shift from negative beliefs to positive ones.
This video, "How to CREATE Powerful Positive BELIEFS and HABITS!" discusses effective strategies to cultivate empowering beliefs and habits that can transform your mindset.
Section 1.1: Transforming Negative Beliefs
Beliefs shape our reality, which is why we rarely question them. However, challenging these beliefs is crucial! You can use these four questions to evaluate your negative beliefs:
- Have past experiences shaped this belief?
- Does this negative belief still hold true today?
- Does this belief contribute to the feelings I desire?
- Does it assist me in reaching my goals?
For example, if you hold the belief "I must earn love," consider the following reflections:
- Past Experiences: "I think I felt unloved as a child unless I accomplished something significant. I remember winning a chess tournament, and that was when my father expressed affection toward me."
- Current Relevance: "This belief likely doesn’t apply now. As an adult, I should feel loved for who I am, rather than my achievements."
- Emotional Impact: "I want to feel loved and happy. Believing I must earn affection feels quite disheartening."
- Goal Alignment: "My aspirations include having a loving family and a fulfilling career. I don't want to teach my children that love must be earned, nor can I perform well at work if I'm constantly anxious about earning love."
After challenging your negative belief and realizing it may be holding you back, it’s time to create a positive version of that belief.
Section 1.2: Creating Positive Beliefs
Rephrase each of your negative beliefs into a more positive outlook. Consider the following strategies:
- Remove or alter the "not" in the belief.
- Change a negative adjective to its opposite.
- Sometimes, a complete rewording of the sentence is necessary to make it relatable and believable.
It’s essential that your positive beliefs feel realistic. For example, if your negative belief is "I always mess things up," changing it to "I always do everything right" isn’t believable. A more realistic belief could be "I often do things well" or "It’s acceptable not to be perfect."
Now, repeat your positive beliefs consistently. Here are some examples of reframed beliefs:
- I’m not good enough. → I am enough.
- I always mess things up. → It’s okay not to be perfect; mistakes help me learn.
- I must earn love. → I am worthy of love just as I am.
- I have to handle everything by myself. → It’s okay to ask for help; I’m capable but don’t have to do it alone.
- I shouldn’t feel sad. → It’s normal to feel sadness; I allow myself to feel it.
- I shouldn’t express anger. → Feeling angry is valid; it’s okay to express it sometimes.
- Mistakes are unacceptable. → Making mistakes is part of being human.
- I can’t trust anyone. → I will take my time to find trustworthy people.
- Perfection is a requirement. → It’s fine not to be perfect; progress matters.
- I must always be strong. → I don’t always need to be strong; vulnerability is human.
- Seeking help is a sign of weakness. → Asking for help shows strength; everyone needs support.
- Men shouldn't cry. → Crying is a natural human response.
Remember, your new positive beliefs may initially feel untrue. This is a normal part of the process. Give your mind time to adapt, and repeat these affirmations frequently—whether you're commuting, exercising, or doing chores.
Trust that, over time, both you and your subconscious will begin to embrace these empowering beliefs.
In this video, "Use These Steps to Create New Positive Beliefs For Your Life | Mel Robbins," Mel Robbins provides practical steps for developing positive beliefs and habits to enhance your life.