Chapter 1: Understanding the Need for Self-Prioritization

In a recent session with my marriage counselor, a well-respected psychologist, I found myself grappling with a recurring theme. He said to me, “Colleen, you need to establish boundaries and learn to protect yourself.” His encouragement to make myself a priority felt foreign, as I’ve always identified as someone who pleases, fixes, gives, and rescues others.

Not long after, I had a conversation with my uncle, a priest, who reminded me, “Colleen, the Holy Spirit has blessed you with joy your entire life. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.” At the time, these insights felt disconnected, as I was navigating a failing relationship and struggling to see how these warnings applied to my situation.

However, this realization would eventually dawn on me, reshaping my understanding of self-protection.

While I ponder my counselor’s advice, I know I must embrace it; my difficulty in self-protection has intensified my marital issues and pulled me down. Yet, deep down, I still associate self-protection with selfishness. Like many women, I find it uncomfortable to put myself first—or rather, to consistently recognize the necessity of prioritizing myself, which I often lose sight of.

I recall an Oprah episode from years ago that addressed this very subject. For that hour, I was inspired, vowing to care for myself better, to indulge in a spa day, and perhaps even plan a girls' getaway. Yet, a week later, those intentions had faded.

I could attribute this lapse to the demands of family life, which is true, or to my enjoyment of volunteering and helping others, which is also valid. However, these distractions were not the root cause of my struggles to prioritize myself.

During another counseling session, my counselor pointed out, “Colleen, you’re enabling. Enablers are those who are overly compassionate and tolerate harmful behavior repeatedly.”

“I thought I was being kind,” I replied.

“Kindness means forgiving once or twice,” he clarified. “Enabling is allowing it to happen time and again.”

As we discussed faith, I realized that my understanding of kindness was intertwined with my spiritual beliefs. “We are all children of God,” he reminded me. “We all deserve to be treated with respect.”

This moment of clarity allowed me to connect the dots between my professional and spiritual insights. I recognized that my reluctance to set boundaries and prioritize myself stemmed from a misguided belief that it was selfish. I felt guilty for putting my needs first, holding onto the notion that it was wrong.

This belief was challenged by a transformative moment in my faith journey. I learned that I had been spiritually negligent, misusing the gifts I had been given. Prioritizing myself was not an act of selfishness; rather, it was a necessity for self-care and well-being.

My lack of protective instincts had eroded the joyful essence that my uncle had spoken of. I wasn’t just a happy person; I was someone who radiated joy. My mother often said I was born with a zest for life, a true gift.

This realization marked a profound shift in my thinking. I came to understand that caring for ourselves and for others can coexist. We don’t have to sacrifice one for the other; instead, we can nurture both aspects of our lives.

Self-care is not an indulgence; it’s a means of protecting our true selves. The most crucial thing we can do is safeguard who we are meant to be.

The first video titled "Selfish or Self-Preservation: Redefining What it Means to Prioritize Yourself" delves into the distinction between self-care and selfishness, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing one's own needs for personal well-being.

Chapter 2: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

The second video, "Why you Should Prioritize Yourself & How to Get Started," offers practical advice on embracing self-prioritization and actionable steps to begin this essential journey.

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