Understanding Social Transition

In my journey of social transition, I've informed everyone around me of my new name and pronouns, which are he/him. My clothing style has changed, and I’ve opted for a shorter haircut. While I firmly believe that looking like my true self, or “passing,” shouldn’t be a measure of being transgender, I confess I’ve invested a lot of time learning how to present as a man. The reason? Being misgendered can be painful.

My gender therapist recently pointed me towards resources that can aid in improving my chances of passing. Numerous subtle factors influence whether others perceive me as a man, a woman, gender-neutral, or androgynous.

For instance, before starting testosterone, I regularly shaved to avoid the peach fuzz often found on cisgender women. I also learned to refrain from unnecessary apologies, as many cisgender men do not engage in this behavior. I began to communicate in shorter phrases and minimized polite expressions.

When seated, I consciously took up more space. I’ve learned to hold doors open but walk through crowds confidently. My body language and posture mimic those of cisgender men. These adjustments, while rooted in cultural stereotypes, collectively help others see me as a man when I put in the effort. Social constructs are potent because society collectively acknowledges them.

However, focusing on all these details can be exhausting. Ultimately, my goal is to help others understand my identity through a gender lens they recognize. The unfortunate reality is that some of the behaviors that help me fit in with societal expectations can inadvertently support misogyny, leading to difficult choices about how far to adapt.

Before beginning my medical transition, I often felt pressured to conform. In my customer service role, I faced constant misgendering, which pushed me toward adopting more stereotypically masculine traits. Engaging with behaviors that reinforced male privilege, such as occupying more space and adopting a brusque demeanor, were quick ways to be recognized as a cisgender man. Yet, I found myself disliking the person I became on days when I leaned into this persona. This internal conflict was a significant factor in my decision to pursue medical transition.

What is Medical Transition?

If you're not familiar with the medical aspects of transitioning, you might think you can easily identify someone’s gender identity or the trajectory of their transition. I once faced criticism from a cisgender woman who accused me of “appropriating women’s experiences” simply for sharing my journey as a man with a uterus. She mistakenly thought I was a transgender woman.

I understand how these misconceptions arise. Due to testosterone, there are times when strangers perceive me as male. I've noticed significant physical changes: increased muscle mass, broader shoulders, fat redistribution resulting in narrower hips, and a more angular face. My voice has deepened, and I can feel an Adam's apple forming.

With these changes, if I choose to relax my adherence to masculine presentation or wear some of my previously cherished feminine clothing, I could easily be mistaken for a trans woman who doesn’t pass well.

Navigating the legal aspects of my existence has become increasingly complex. Even if hearing my deadname isn’t distressing, I realize my medical transition will lead me to a point where I may no longer resemble the person associated with that name. This recognition compels me to undertake yet another form of transition—legal.

Legal Gender Transition

Recently, I attended a name change clinic through the Colorado Name Change Project, marking a small yet significant step towards completing my legal transition. This process involves officially changing my name and gender marker on all legal documents, which will simplify many aspects of my life.

For example, it will eliminate issues with doctors misidentifying me in medical records. My current doctor’s office in North Carolina has me listed incorrectly as an Asian male with she/her pronouns, causing significant confusion. Correcting them has been challenging, and I may need to clarify the situation with my future doctor.

Legally changing my name also minimizes the risk of future employers discovering my deadname and using it against me. After my last employer shared my deadname with all staff following an uncomfortable discussion about discriminatory hiring practices, I am hesitant to interview for new positions until I can ensure that my deadname won't affect me.

A legal name change would also prevent awkward encounters with bank staff when my ID doesn’t match my appearance, particularly as I increasingly pass as a man. Without a name change, I could find myself in uncomfortable or dangerous situations, such as at airports or during police interactions, where a convincing ID is essential.

Insights from the Name Change Clinic

While the process in Colorado is easier compared to North Carolina, it remains a challenging and potentially costly endeavor. Fortunately, there’s ample support available, including financial assistance for those who need it.

Thanks to Jude’s Law in Colorado, I don’t have to endure the uncomfortable and potentially dangerous steps I would have faced in North Carolina. I’m not required to announce my deadname in a public newspaper or have my private address disclosed alongside it. According to guidelines provided at the clinic, I can indicate my exemption from publication in my name change petition by referencing C.R.S 13–15–102(4).

Before proceeding, I need to establish residency proof and undergo fingerprinting and an FBI background check, which costs $81.50. Once completed, I have 90 days to submit my paperwork to the county court, with an additional cost of around $88. I might also need to attend a court hearing to finalize my name change. Each certified copy of the name change will cost $20, and I will require multiple copies to update other legal documents, leading to further expenses.

Overall, the initial costs for this part of the process will start at $189.50, not including the fees for changing other official documents like my birth certificate, social security card, driver’s license, and passport. Adjustments to medical, educational, and financial records will also involve additional steps.

To update my gender marker on federal documents, a doctor’s note is necessary. While this does not require a medical transition, it does require an appointment with a knowledgeable doctor who recognizes transgender identities. For those who don’t fit typical transition stereotypes, securing a qualified doctor for this note may necessitate multiple appointments. I suspect my medical transition will expedite this process for me, although I hope my experience will differ from others in my community who face various challenges.

In summary, legally transitioning is a distinct process that demands both time and financial resources.

Your Experience

Have you or someone you know undergone a gender transition? What types of transitions were involved, and what experiences did you have? I would love to hear your stories!

Note: I am not a lawyer, and this should not be considered legal advice. This is simply a reflection of what I have learned as a trans man navigating the name change process in Colorado.

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