Chapter 1: Embracing Change

The person you were during your marriage is not necessarily who you need to be after it ends.

Since relocating to Italy, I've encountered numerous women who are in the process of rediscovering themselves following a divorce or the conclusion of a significant relationship.

What does “rediscovering” entail?

In my own marriage, I often felt constrained from becoming my true self. We began our relationship when I was 21 and he was 22, a critical time for personal development. Being in a relationship during such formative years can profoundly shape who we become, and it certainly shaped my journey.

We both had vibrant personalities and enjoyed being the focal point in social situations. However, with two strong personalities, one often takes a backseat. In my case, that was me.

I found myself yielding to his decisions, stepping away from the passions that once ignited my spirit, and prioritizing my roles as a wife and mother. While there's nothing inherently wrong with these roles, I felt a sense of dullness inside, as though something fundamental was lacking.

When we allow external factors—partners, children, unfulfilling jobs—to hinder our personal growth, we risk losing touch with our true selves. This can prevent us from experiencing the profound growth and exploration that authenticity offers.

Chapter 2: Charting a New Course Post-Divorce

Reflecting on my journey, I realize I forfeited 17 years of potential by allowing my identity to be overshadowed. Many people face similar challenges. Now, I ponder where my spiritual journey might have taken me had I embraced my true self. What aspects of my life might differ if I had prioritized my own needs?

Instead, I confined myself to a small role, allowing my partner to take the spotlight. I often felt like I was the wind beneath his wings, but who was there to support me?

It’s painful to acknowledge the limits I imposed on myself for so long, but I strive to avoid regrets. Each experience has contributed to the person I am today.

So, who am I now?

Last year, I took a courageous step by leaving a vibrant life in San Diego, California, to begin anew in southern Italy.

Yes, it was daunting.

Yes, it was liberating.

But it has been immensely rewarding because I am now prioritizing myself. I am steering my own ship and crafting a life that resonates with my authentic self.

In this video, "Finding Yourself After Divorce," we explore the journey of self-discovery following the end of a significant relationship.

Chapter 3: Creating Your Future

What about you? Do you feel that the years spent in your marriage were lost, or can you recognize the valuable lessons that came from those experiences?

Are you caught in a victim mentality, or have you used your divorce as a catalyst for self-discovery?

I hope you can see the growth that has emerged from your struggles. Don’t limit yourself or play it safe just to feel secure. Life is far too precious to not live fully. Ask yourself: who do I want to be NOW? And then, take action to become that person.

In "Rebuilding after Divorce | How to rebuild your life after losing everything," we discuss strategies for reclaiming your life and identity post-divorce.