Understanding the Journey to Sobriety

When I made the choice to stop drinking, my primary goal was to remain alcohol-free. This is a common aspiration for anyone trying to quit. However, I stumbled during my first two attempts, managing to stay sober for a few months before succumbing to alcohol's grip once again.

James Clear's book, Atomic Habits, discusses how to alter habits that no longer benefit us. Alcohol dependence can be viewed as a habit that has escalated into addiction. Nevertheless, by applying habit-changing strategies, we can liberate ourselves from this addiction.

Clear identifies three levels at which change can be achieved:

1. Outcomes: The first level focuses on the results we wish to attain, such as losing weight, publishing a book, or in our case, quitting drinking. Most goals are tied to this level.
2. Processes: This layer involves modifying our habits and systems, like establishing a new gym routine or removing all alcoholic beverages from our homes.
3. Identity: The deepest layer targets our beliefs: our self-image, worldview, and judgments about ourselves and others. Many of our core beliefs reside here.

Clear emphasizes:

Outcomes relate to what you acquire. Processes pertain to your actions. Identity is about what you believe.

Many individuals initiate their habit change by concentrating on their desired outcomes. This often leads to outcome-based habits. In contrast, identity-based habits require us to focus on the person we aspire to become.

At the outset, we aim for sobriety without considering the need to shift our self-perception. For instance, consider two drinkers. The first might say, "No, thanks. I'm trying to quit," while the second asserts, "No thanks. I'm not a drinker." The former still sees himself as a drinker attempting to change, whereas the latter has embraced his new identity as someone who no longer drinks.

I didn't fully grasp this identity shift until six weeks into my sobriety. By that time, I had accumulated enough success to confidently view myself as a non-drinker. While it may seem like a minor adjustment, it was monumental. Identifying as a non-drinker empowered me to refuse drinks with confidence.

When faced with the temptation of "just one drink," I could assertively choose a seltzer with cranberry juice instead. Setting a goal to quit drinking often leads us to decide on actions like avoiding bars or not bringing alcohol home, but it doesn't necessarily alter our self-perception. We may still see ourselves as drinkers who need to change their behaviors rather than as individuals who have transformed their self-image.

Maintaining an old identity can undermine our commitment to sobriety. Our actions must align with our self-image to ensure lasting change. You might want to quit drinking, but if you still identify as a drinker trying to resist, "just one drink" could easily pull you back in.

This pattern is what occurred during my first two attempts at sobriety. My desire to end my addiction was strong, but I hadn't yet internalized the belief that I was a non-drinker, which led me back to alcohol.

In my third attempt, I made a firm commitment to succeed. I acted like a non-drinker, and without realizing it, this mindset began to shape my identity. This insight became clear after reading Atomic Habits, where I recognized that I had unconsciously applied the author's principles to achieve lasting sobriety.

It's important to note that merely stating you are a non-drinker won’t guarantee success; however, it can serve as a powerful motivator to resist temptation.

As Clear points out:

The highest form of intrinsic motivation occurs when a habit becomes part of your identity. It’s one thing to say, "I want this," and something entirely different to declare, "I am this."

I do not wish to downplay the complexities of addiction. However, the journey to becoming the person you aspire to be not only helps in changing habits but also transforms your self-perception from that of a drinker to a non-drinker.

You are a sober, healthy individual capable of profound change. Embrace that belief.