Embracing My Passion: The Struggle Against My Ego
Written on
Chapter 1: The Therapeutic Power of Writing
Writing serves as a form of therapy for me, which is likely why I felt compelled to share this narrative. Following directives has never been my strong suit. Recently, I received a call from my workplace regarding a two-day management workshop focused on teamwork. Since my role is deeply rooted in production, attendance was optional. I chose not to participate. Why? Simply because I wasn't inclined to go.
This illustrates my perspective on life. While it may seem trivial at first glance, a closer examination reveals a tendency toward procrastination and a certain indifference to my surroundings. This is also why I struggle to remember faces. I began learning a language three years ago, yet I'm still far from fluent. I initiated writing on Medium but have yet to find consistency for the same reasons.
Where am I headed with all of this? Is my ego playing a role?
In 2001, during my 11th-grade year, a friend named Debashis introduced me to the concept of a slam book. I candidly poured my thoughts into it, responding honestly to questions. I distinctly recall stating, "I aspire to be a perfect person" in reply to the question about my ambitions.
As I matured, I realized that perfection is a myth. Nonetheless, it feels as though I'm chasing that elusive concept of 'Perfect,' driven by an unyielding ego that offers me some form of unconscious identity.
Romanticizing Nostalgia
I vividly remember the first story I penned at the age of nine. It was about a man who ventured into a forest to track down a bandit who had stolen from him. Despite traversing the forest for two days, he was unable to capture the thief, even with the help of a python that guided him. This initial tale, lacking a definitive ending, sparked my passion for writing.
During my school years, my work was published twice in the annual school magazine. This was in 90's India, where the focus was primarily on preparing students to become breadwinners, while hobbies like writing were sidelined. Nevertheless, I found solace in writing amidst the competitive environment.
In January 2024, I discovered Medium, which felt like a breath of fresh air in winter. The scent of marigold in the air inspired me to write without restraint.
Chapter 2: Confronting My Alter Ego
After four months of writing on Medium, I found myself questioning the direction of my work.
Me: Am I facing a turning point in my career?
Alter ego: Possibly!
Me: I've spent 14 years in a steel factory, yet I've never felt this disconnected from my job.
Alter ego: Don't be naive. The present moment is all that matters. Focus on that.
Me: You have a point.
Alter ego: I'm always right.
Ultimately, I acknowledged that amidst my internal struggles, I still have the opportunity to liberate myself. I need to concentrate on the now and trust that my writing endeavors will unfold as they should.
Final Thoughts
I refrain from delving into the practicalities of becoming a full-time writer, as I am still navigating that journey. However, I hope you will join me as a reader on this adventure. Thank you for engaging with my story. Feel free to applaud, respond, and follow along. Have a wonderful day!