Navigating the End of Almost Relationships with Dignity
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Chapter 1: The Dilemma of Ending an Almost Relationship
While I was power walking around my neighborhood, I heard a voice calling out, "Excuse me, miss." Upon turning, I saw a tall man with an Arab appearance jogging towards me. My first thought was that perhaps I had dropped something.
When he reached me, he introduced himself as Moh, showered me with a few compliments, and asked to join my walk, which eventually turned into a leisurely stroll. He was charming, kind, and entertaining. Did I feel a spark? Not really. I appreciated his boldness in approaching me without the usual dating app tactics—something quite refreshing for someone like me who prefers old-fashioned encounters.
We engaged in light-hearted conversation, sharing many laughs. He walked me to my apartment, where we exchanged phone numbers and embraced goodbye. Almost immediately, he began texting to arrange our next meeting. His enthusiasm was infectious, and I found myself looking forward to our interactions.
Our outings included coffee dates, hiking adventures, and trips to a 3-D cinema. I woke up to sweet good morning texts and received flowers unexpectedly. He often surprised me with home-cooked meals after long workdays. Yet, despite his efforts, there was a crucial element missing: chemistry.
Having grown weary of attracting the wrong types, I decided to give Moh a fair chance, hoping that genuine feelings would develop over time. Surely, something had to change. Moh was wonderful, and I believed it was only a matter of time before my heart would catch up.
However, our first kiss left much to be desired. It was neither good nor bad, but rather awkward, and I found his style of kissing unappealing. Although he showered me with affection, I felt uncomfortable and distant when he touched me. I longed for the passionate connection that seemed absent.
Some friends suggested I give it time or even consider physical intimacy as a way to spark that elusive chemistry. However, I couldn't bring myself to move beyond the initial stages of romance. The thought of drinking to loosen up crossed my mind, but I knew that wasn't a path I wanted to take. Moh deserved better.
When he looked at me with genuine affection, I felt a pang of guilt. It was difficult to endure his gestures of love while feeling so disconnected. I wanted to end things, but how do you break up with someone when you’re almost a couple?
The more I distanced myself, the more he tried to win me over with flowers and romantic gestures. I briefly entertained the idea of ghosting him, an easy way out to avoid discomfort. But deep down, I knew he deserved closure and respect.
This leads us to how to gracefully end an almost relationship. It’s best not to prolong the inevitable. We often hold onto hope longer than we should, but when you realize things aren't progressing, it's crucial to act swiftly. Delaying will only increase the pain for both parties. Just like ripping off a band-aid, doing it quickly allows for healing to begin.
Explain Your Feelings Without Apologizing
Most people are inherently nice, which can lead them to soften their breakup messages with unnecessary apologies. They might say things like, "If only circumstances were different…" However, this can create false hope and prolong suffering, which is just as harmful as ghosting.
The goal is to communicate your feelings honestly without seeking to comfort the other person. Be prepared to answer any questions they may have without leaving room for misinterpretation.
The setting where you deliver this message can greatly impact the outcome. If you choose to have a face-to-face conversation, avoid doing it in private spaces like home or work—these can feel restrictive if emotions run high. Opt for a public place like a café or park, where you have the option to leave if necessary.
If in-person conversations aren't your style, sending a text can also be effective. Many people criticize breakups via text, but the key is clarity. While texting lacks the nuances of face-to-face communication, it can sometimes be easier for those who struggle with emotional confrontations. Just be sure to convey your message clearly to minimize misunderstandings.
Expect a Range of Reactions
Ending a relationship can trigger a wide array of emotions, including hurt and anger. When I met Moh to share my feelings, he was understandably shocked. He pleaded with me to reconsider, promising to make more effort. I had to stand firm and explain that nothing he did could change my feelings.
After expressing his emotions, he eventually apologized and sought closure. I answered his questions honestly, and while he chose not to remain friends, we parted on amicable terms.
Understanding emotional intelligence is crucial for moving on. I’ve faced rejection more times than I care to remember. I once had feelings for a senior in high school who didn’t reciprocate. While it was painful, I respected his honesty over the cowardice of stringing me along.
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© Dona Mwiria July 2022
Chapter 2: The Impact of Ghosting on Relationships
Ghosting has become a common occurrence in modern dating, often leaving the person on the receiving end feeling abandoned and confused.
In this video titled "We Need to Talk About Ghosting," the discussion centers on the emotional ramifications of disappearing from someone's life without explanation. It highlights the need for communication and closure in relationships.
Chapter 3: The Dangers of Avoiding Difficult Conversations
The act of ghosting not only hurts the person left behind but can also damage the ghoster's reputation and emotional health.
"Ghosting Is Killing Relationships" delves into how avoiding tough conversations can lead to long-term relationship issues and emotional baggage.