Chapter 1: The Role of Television in My Life

In my midlife, as a child of older parents, I often felt like television was my primary caregiver. My parents, lacking the energy for outdoor activities or playtime, left me to entertain myself. My brothers, who had younger parents, didn’t share my experience, leading to some confusion.

My mother, embodying the ideal 1950s housewife, was often busy in the kitchen, leaving little time for interaction. This made me question why I seemed to take a backseat to household chores like canning or sewing. The one time we did spend together was during nightly TV viewing, which became a cherished routine.

As I had limited options—watching TV, reading, or feeling isolated in our rural neighborhood—I often gravitated towards the screen. Neurotypical children found me difficult to engage with, which compounded my feelings of loneliness. Instead of forming friendships, I became engrossed in my favorite TV shows, where I could hyperfocus and escape the challenges of social interaction.

Consequently, I amassed a wealth of information about television, films, and celebrities, becoming the go-to person for entertainment trivia. However, this passion was often dismissed as an obsession, leading to feelings of shame. I felt guilty for what others labeled as an addiction, especially when certain shows frightened me due to my heightened sensitivity.

For instance, watching Sci-Fi with my older brothers was a source of anxiety, triggering panic attacks at the sight of creatures like aliens or monsters. These reactions often resulted in stomach aches that kept me home from school, as my overactive imagination amplified my fears.

Section 1.1: The Impact of TV on My Emotional Well-being

One fateful fall afternoon, when my favorite show, The Waltons, was interrupted due to poor reception, I experienced a meltdown. This disruption shattered my comfort zone, as the predictability of my routine was essential for my emotional stability.

In my teenage years, my fixation on a particular pop star grew, but living in a rural area with no cable made it difficult for me to engage fully with my interests. I relied on my brother to record shows for me, leading to playful teasing from my family about my “obsession.”

Subsection 1.1.1: Challenges of Autistic Hyperfocus

Despite the teasing, my interests provided solace, especially as I faced health challenges like POTS, which made outdoor activities difficult. My family struggled to understand my physical limitations, leaving me to navigate these challenges alone for years.

Chapter 2: Acceptance and Understanding

The first video, "Autistic Special Interests are NOT what you think," explores the misconceptions surrounding autistic interests, emphasizing their depth and significance.

In the second video, "When Autistic Special Interests Go WRONG," the discussion revolves around the challenges faced when these interests become overwhelming or misunderstood.

In my journey towards self-acceptance post-diagnosis, I’ve come to understand that my affinity for television was never a flaw but rather a vital part of who I am. It served as a source of comfort and a means to navigate the complexities of my autistic experience. Understanding this has freed me from self-judgment, allowing me to embrace my unique needs without shame.