Chapter 1: The Nature of Unwanted Habits

Often, we view our undesirable habits as solely negative, but they may actually serve protective functions. For instance, a personal anecdote comes to mind:

Photo by Matthew Waring on Unsplash

My husband pointed out the Virginia creeper enveloping our home, suggesting I remove it. Yet, I hesitated, drawn to its beauty, especially as it shifted from vibrant green to warm golds and rusts. “But it’s beautiful,” I protested. “It might not be harmful.”

His concern was valid; such plants can inflict damage on structures. As I considered his words, I realized that just like the creeper, our habits often have underlying reasons that we might not initially understand.

For instance, as a counselor, I’ve learned that the compulsions and habits people wish to shed can sometimes provide unexpected benefits. A perfectionist might cling to their exactness as a way to manage their fear of chaos. Similarly, someone trying to quit smoking may find that stepping outside for a cigarette offers them a much-needed break from social interactions.

Life is nuanced, and our behaviors—good or bad—often have deeper motivations. Before we can effectively change these behaviors, it’s crucial to uncover and address their true causes. Many times, these actions serve a purpose: they protect us from emotions or situations we are not ready to confront.

Chapter 2: Addressing Emotional Needs

In the video "The Science of Making & Breaking Habits," we explore how habits form and how they can be altered. It emphasizes the importance of understanding the emotional needs that underlie our behaviors.

Continuing with my experience, I once had a client who sought hypnotherapy to reduce her alcohol intake. She claimed, “I’m not an alcoholic, but I can’t sleep without a few whiskeys.”

After our first session, she seemed optimistic, but I held reservations. Stress often manifests in various behaviors; people might indulge in comfort food or alcohol to release feel-good hormones. I worried she might revert to her old habits or replace them with another undesirable behavior.

Sure enough, she returned for another session. “This one’s on me,” I offered, eager to help. “Can we discuss the reasons behind your drinking?”

“Oh, I just enjoy a drink before bed,” she replied.

“Didn’t you mention it helps you sleep?” I probed.

She acknowledged that her drinking indeed masked her worries, allowing her to drift off. We then explored practical solutions to address her anxiety without resorting to alcohol.

The video "Breaking Bad Habits" provides insights on how to identify and replace negative behaviors with healthier alternatives.

As I resumed my thoughts about the Virginia creeper, I discovered two blackbird chicks hidden among its leaves, eagerly awaiting their parent’s return with food. This plant had shielded them from predators, illustrating that what we often consider a nuisance can serve a protective role.

“Ready for your hypnotherapy session?” I asked her during our next meeting, sensing her newfound openness.

Two weeks later, I ran into her on the street, and she exclaimed, “The hypnotherapy worked!” It’s often the case that when we uncover hidden truths and address them, positive change follows.

As I cleared the fallen creeper, I reflected on its protective role for the chicks. I secured the remaining plant around their nest to provide continued shelter.

My husband, puzzled, asked, “I thought you were going to remove that plant?”

“Actually, it served a special purpose,” I explained, pointing to the nest.

He smiled, suggesting it would eventually need to be removed once no longer necessary. “That’s how it usually works,” I replied, knowing that sometimes, understanding the deeper reasons behind our habits is key to effective change.