Chapter 1: The Origins of Office Rituals

Ingrained habits, executed mindlessly—how did these rituals become so commonplace, and more importantly, why do they persist?

I have openly expressed my aversion to the corporate landscape we inhabit today, particularly the relentless push into surveillance-heavy open office spaces over the past few decades. It wasn't until the recent pandemic that the absurdity of commuting to these spaces, at our own expense of time and money, became glaringly obvious.

Initially, the rationale for gathering in a single location was clear: physical materials were accessible, teamwork required close proximity, and management wanted to oversee operations, driven by a fundamental mistrust of employees. However, in an era where remote work is possible—where our "materials" are largely digital and communication can be handled via various online platforms—the only remaining justification for office presence appears to be the desire of middle management to monitor us.

Habit kept commuting alive, and many of us, particularly in tech roles, continued this routine without questioning its validity. Management, along with HR, would have loved to maintain this status quo indefinitely, but the pandemic exposed the reality of our situation.

While reflecting on this during my routine walk in the face of Atlantic storms, I began to ponder other habitual practices—those performed subconsciously, possibly benefitting our corporate overseers rather than ourselves. One peculiar example is the expectation for employees to bring in treats to celebrate their birthdays.

In my early days in software engineering, this was unheard of, yet it has now become a prevalent practice in many workplaces, especially larger ones. While cakes are rare, you'll often find an assortment of cupcakes, flapjacks, and most commonly, doughnuts. These treats are typically picked up from local shops and laid out in the communal kitchen, often of questionable hygiene.

Consider this: why would anyone trust a random assortment of food left in the office? Especially when IT warns us against picking up random USB drives and encourages vigilance about security breaches. It begs the question: has anyone ever been poisoned by a cupcake at work?

As birthdays seem to occur frequently even in smaller offices, the email notifications of "treats in the kitchen" often come from colleagues we barely know. While I appreciate a bit of fun in the workplace, there’s an unsettling undercurrent to this ritual that masquerades as social bonding among individuals who are paid to be together rather than choosing to be.

If you forget to bring something or opt out, you risk becoming "that person," facing everything from mild social exclusion to passive-aggressive notes on future treat containers. The quality of the offerings can also become a contentious topic—are your cupcakes the right size? Are they suitable for dietary restrictions? It becomes a social minefield.

So, why does this ritual continue? Could it be a strategy to distract us from the reality of commuting to an office, enduring interactions with individuals we might prefer to avoid, and reinforcing divisions between management and staff? It seems designed to redirect discontent inward rather than toward the corporate structure itself.

Do you think I’m overreacting? Perhaps making connections that aren’t there? Let’s dig deeper into this rich vein of corporate absurdity.

This practice raises another question: why, on your birthday, are you expected to provide treats for everyone else? It certainly seems off.

Another common occurrence in the corporate world is the "whip round"—where employees pool together to buy a farewell gift or card for someone who has left the company, often under less-than-ideal circumstances. Who organizes it? How much is contributed? Is it all coins, or does it include bills? The logistics alone can create discomfort, as you try to avoid appearing suspicious or unkind.

Everyone feels obliged to participate, akin to mandatory fun, making it challenging to opt out without social repercussions. This ritual, much like the birthday treats, fosters an environment of distrust and self-surveillance.

Consider what other aspects of office life are performed mechanically, without reflection, simply because they’ve always been done that way. Do you attend meetings out of fear of being marked absent? Do you sit silently, waiting to be dismissed?

Perhaps you find yourself using company jargon, never admitting ignorance but instead saying, "I’ll look into that," even when ordering pizza at home. Have corporate values seeped into your personal life, making you an unwitting brand ambassador?

It’s too easy to slip into the robotic behavior that management expects from us in this corporate dystopia. There are numerous other examples, but I realize I’m stretching the patience of my audience.

At this stage, you may think I’m a misfit or someone who dislikes social interactions. You wouldn’t be wrong. I signed up for a corporate role, but it never mentioned the requirement to engage in these bizarre rituals, which seem designed to feign positive social dynamics and subtly enforce a culture of surveillance.

The only true winning move, as they say, is simply not to play.

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